Finding Purpose and Meaning Beyond Relationships, Love, and Sex”

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I personally love science and mathematics. Even to the point of being in love with it because I have to be. I understand many may think that is strange, but I have reasons for it. I am 32 years old and have never had a girlfriend. To say I fail with girls is an understatement. It got so bad that it both hurt and enraged me to see happy couples in public because I wanted what they had or I wanted no one to have it. Seeing them smile, kiss, and hug each other were daggers to my heart and blows of inferiority to my conscious. The subject of sex hurt even more when couples made subtle hints to each other about the activity. To know and feel that I was being denied from such a human experience made me feel like an outcast of our species. I was an outsider being forced to watch all intimacies of relationships from the opposite side of a glass panel. Being deprived of affection, love and sex for so long, I knew had to find some other outlet. This is when I found math and science. I am aware that these subjects will never love me back like an actual person will, but they will also never reject me, never hurt me, and never tell me or imply that I am not good enough for them. Plus the more care I channel into science and math, the more I get back. These subjects return to a person exactly the amount that they put in, and that can feel like a pretty good substitute for human affection. If love from another human is not in the cards for me, then science and mathematics are not a bad surrogate.