I Wish I Could Stop Pushing You Away, but I’m Used to People Leaving”


..Just a little somewhat of an appreciation post..

I wish many things, one of those things is the parts of me that feels like you can do better. It’s easy for me to put blame on myself, it’s all I ever lived like. People leave my life easily and I get the blame or something ends up being because of me. I wish that I could be someone that I feel deserves to have someone like you. I question how a guy like you, likes a girl like me. I come with problems and many flaws. I’m the complete opposite of perfect, I never believed that someone like you could love someone like me.

Sometimes I act like I don’t care, especially in arguments, I act like what you’re saying is going through one ear to the next. But every time you turn away for that little second, I look at you, your back, and wish I could tell you how I feel, explain it all but I never seem to have the words. But you still put up with it, put up with me, I don’t know how.

Everyone has always left me. What scares me the most is how you’re still here staying.

I’m learning to believe. Believe that what you’re saying is true, accepting compliments, believing your intentions with me and believing that this whole relationship isn’t another big lie in my life. I’m learning to see the difference of not comparing you to the others that left, learning to see that you’re a completely different person that I thought you were going to be. Most of all I’m learning to be real with you. To your simple texts that have a whole heap of love behind them, the littlest gestures that turn out to be the most romantic actions, but most of all I’m learning that this isn’t some game and that you’re not trying to play me.

Now that you exist then I can’t let you go, but bear with me as I learn how to accept something I never had. As I learn how to accept something that I’ve only dreamt of but never touched.

In the coming 2 years and 8 months of us together, I’m forever grateful for how you’ve changed my views on a lot that I never thought could be changed. Thankful that you had the strength to put up with my ongoing problems and even helped fight them for me.

Grateful for you staying, you know who you are ❤️