I think all of us (who have dated) have gone through that frustration of becoming official with someone and then six months into dating find out something that you truly would have not dated the person in the first place for. Likewise, I have gone through this and this is why I have now a bunch of questions for my future partner before I commit to being his girlfriend.
I perfectly understand why people do not want to talk about their exes in front of a new potential partner. Here’s my problem: when you avoid this conversation, you are missing out a lot about that person. What you can miss out on:
1. Desperate for Love, In love with the Idea of Love – if your potential partner has been through so many relationships in a short period of time, you might want to find out if they are really just desperate for a relationship or if they just had bad luck with relationships.
2. Respectful and Mature – if your potential partner looks upon their exes as still wonderful people, but just not for them, this is absolutely a keeper
3. Resentful and Hates Easily – if your potential partner believes that every ex he/she ever had was horrible and crazy, this might be a sign that this person has hateful feelings for every person that has ever done them wrong
4. Clingy and Holds On – if your potential partner has always been the one trying to fight to keep his relationships alive and always been the one dumped, he might be holding on way too long to his exes and may have trust issues
My biggest rule when going into a relationship is that you can not go into a relationship expecting the person to change. So when you consider a relationship really think about what you can tolerate and what you absolutely can not tolerate. If your potential partner has a deal breaker, then don’t even bother trying to fix it. Leave and find someone else.
My personal deal breakers are
1. Not caring about family
2. Different religious and political views
3. Not being honest
4. Illegal practices/extreme risk taking
Although I have seen many couples have respect for their partner’s different religious and political views, that is not the problem I have. I know that I can easily respect it. It’s just that when I have a husband, I want it to be a man that I can spiritually grow with and politically agree with big concepts. Small political concepts are fine to disagree on, but when it comes to how much power the government has, I really do believe that reflects on how people live.
Personally, I have no plans to live with someone before marriage, but I do go into relationships because I see a future and that future might be marriage. Life style is best to explore when you drop by unexpected and see how their desk at work is or even at their house. However, here are my basic questions that I want to know about my potential partner:
1. How often do you work?
2. Are you responsible with money?
3. Do you believe in having sex after being married? Is sex an important part of dating?
4. Do you need alone time? How much?
5. Are you messy or neat?
6. When do you normally go to bed?
7. What is your ideal temperature? Do you need to have the fan on before sleeping?
8. What lifestyle habits disgust you?
Again, if I go into a relationship, I have no desire to change them and therefore, I want to know what they want their future to look like. Here are my list of questions:
1. Where do you want to live?
2. What do you want to be?
3. Do you want to be married? How many kids?
4. What should the jobs of a wife and husband be?
5. How do you want your kids’ lives to look? Raised religiously? Going to church? Support them in sports? Technology?
6. Will family be part of your life?
7. Do you want to travel?
8. When would you retire? How would you know?
What My Partner Wants
Even if I dissect the man to death and find out he is everything I want, it has to be two sided. Not only would I answer everything that I listed above to him, but I would certainly ask him questions specifically about what he wants in a partner.
1. What are deal breakers for you? What can you tolerate?
2. What are your weaknesses? How do you think I as a partner can help you with them?
3. What have you lacked in previous relationships from your partner?