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So recently I made a hypothesized theory. Mostly dealing in regards to loving someone who has been hurt or damaged in some way as well as those with mental disorders such as: ptsd, gad, mdd or sad etc. Here is why I came up with the “Bee Sting Theory“.
This mostly revolves around those people who find themselves pushing a loved one away. Okay, so you got me there, maybe not a theory but, definitely a possibility to do research on. Maybe we can call this a “case study”. By no means am I a professional so please only look at this for strictly, opinionated answers.
Alright, here’s what I’m going to say. The person that’s difficult to love often needs it the most. (non-relating to; manipulators, narcissists or sociopaths: these people must be loved from a distance.) This damaged person has experienced the works: trauma, being cheat on before, loss of trust; sexually, physically, emotionally or mentally abused.
#1. They need space.
#2. They will accuse often.
#3. They will break up over and over again.
#4. They are afraid.
#5. They feel like they are unworthy.
#6. They often go back to what they call “safe havens” places or people they actually do trust , and where they feel safe.
#7. They desire your attention, affection, understanding and company.
#8. They have tendencies to cheat, but only if they feel like you are not seeing their efforts through, or that they are simply just trying. They are rejection sensitive, any small thing, may set them off. Keep your distance, but be close by for a shoulder to cry on..
#9. Don’t expect them to do things or be things for you, they have to learn themselves; time is important.
#10. They need to feel appreciated often, and like you truly understand them.
#11. Argue Less, Do More. They can’t stand yelling, they can’t stand sudden shifts in change, they like familiarity and comfort. They like like to laugh and conversate, and things to run smoothly in their lives.
Now that the list is covered we’ll go on to a better outlook from the ‘point of view’ of a damaged person who cheated:
…Maybe it was because once upon a time, someone betrayed me, and it hurt that bad then, as much as it hurt with you. And it scared me, it scared me so painfully, like a bee sting. You get stung, the physical pain is already enough, you sting again it hurts twice as much and can even kill you, so you make sure to stay away from dangers as that one. But in the end you always remember the pain, and when it resurfaces, that danger, you’d run away too. Never questioning. Never looking back, fleeing as means of protection. You’d want to squash that bee to death if given a chance, but what you don’t realize is that bee is doomed for death anyway. It stung you, but it killed itself. Now then, as you must imagine, you have to question. Are you daring enough to play with fire and get burned, are you daring enough to risk getting stung again? It’s going to happen, when it happens, but you have hope. The outdoors is a beautiful place , very risky, still a means of joy and happiness. While, if you’re too afraid to go out because of that, then you’re trapped inside, inside your own head and being held back from your fear. And you never allow yourself the joy you could have, and you’re truly missing out on the many adventures and journey’s, you risked going for.
You can allow the bee to die, or you can make sure it doesn’t sting you. The more you grow, the more you learn, the more you have the power to protect, and the more wise you become staying out of danger. –MindOfTheDamaged, Age 22
As you can see it’s a very painful process, yet they still wish to find “the one”. These people are damaged, they need help. Don’t try to fix the damaged unless your true intentions are to stay because this kind of relationship will be ultimately challenging, it’s going to take time, effort, and dedication. Best of luck!