We all wish sometimes that we move on so easily, once a meaningful relationship ends we all tend to shut down, and it doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship, when any good relationship ends we lose a bit of hope. Of course it depends on how was this relationship and why it ended, some relationships end dramatically and drastically and it breaks us in half, others end with mutual understanding and it could be less painful at first, but the soreness of it stays for a very longer time.
But in the end some of us heal from it after a while or after a short time and some just don’t. And no matter how long ago it ended there will always be a scar in your heart because of the fact that there was something. That’s why some of us wish after a break up we would just be able to forget all about this relationship in order to not feel any pain because of it, like the idea of the great movie “the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind”. But why can’t we embrace this pain instead, why can’t we use it to evolve!
The thought of defeat:
What prevents anyone from being able to move on after the end of a good relationship is the fact that they invested in it. How much have you invested of your energy emotionally and physically, how much time have you put in to it, is what will lead you in the end to the thought of defeat. This word (Defeat) summarizes the whole way of thinking we find ourselves trapped in after a break up. But the good news is that this isn’t almost ever true, because we didn’t actually get defeated, we lost yes, but we didn’t get defeated, and yes there’s a significant difference, because we still have the power to start again, see this little detail of how one might think can make all the difference on how fast they can move on or even decide whether they can move on or not.
How should we think!
A human being has the power to benefit from almost anything that meets his way, and this definitely applies to breakups, because in every human interaction we experience something, and we learn a lot from people we meet and situations we go through, you see that the most experienced people are the ones that actually lived, struggled through the bad times and were blessed by the good times, they can really appreciate what it’s like to have any good feeling because they have lived through it’s opposite. A man in his forties looking for love and companionship isn’t at all like a man in his twenties who never fell in love and just wanna fulfill his needs. People don’t just grow by age, experience requires memories and memories require people,, situations and relationships. That’s why you should embrace the pain you feel when you go through anything hurtful, because this will be a memory and it’s gonna build who you are subconsciously whether you like it or not, that’s why you have to guide it consciously, because the pain can leave you insecure and scared, instead of learning from it.
And the core of all thinking when it comes to a break up, is capturing the feeling of a certain kind of content and fulfillment that we got to know someone and invest in them in order to grow, instead of thinking that we lost someone we invested everything in. After you are able to plant this thought in your mind then you will realize that you can move on, which is the first step that you should take in order to move on for good.
Steps to move on:
1- Get it through your head that you can move on
It was previously discussed how you can do that, and you should know that you will never move on unless you believe that you are capable of moving on by yourself, don’t wait for someone to pick you up because then you will always fall back down again, until you’re able to get up yourself.
2- Take some time off
Now this is a very important step, because before you can do anything new you need to believe that the relationship has ended for good and that there’s noway back. And think about the reasons this relationship ended, find out what you learned from it. You can’t just rush to meeting someone new when you still haven’t figured out what went wrong, and what do you need to change, even if it was mostly the other parties fault, you still have to acknowledge the facts that killed the relationship. Because if you don’t that will eventually get you to commit the same mistakes that got you broken in the first place, you need to learn what new to look for and what to avoid to make the next relationship easier for you.
You also need to figure out what exactly do you want next, what would you want the next chapter of your life to be like, and you need to be true to yourself in order to understand what really is the best for you.
3- Stay busy and lean on family and friends
This step should be parallel to the previous one, after a break up you shouldn’t be alone most of the time unless you a have some stuff to do or work to finish. You should also stay active and healthy by working out, eating well and maintaining good hygiene. You should know that you will feel down and you will miss your ex maybe more than you can handle alone, which is completely normal, but you must never think about contacting him/her because that will just through you steps back and you will make the job much harder on yourself. Missing him/her is completely normal accept it and live with it in order to get through it.
4- Meet new people
After you have finished the first three steps, it’s time for the cookie, the final step which should be very exciting if you really have managed to get through the first steps successfully.
Making new friends and getting to know new people is exciting. We can’t deny that once we feel new chemistry we forget for a moment all our past, and that’s the beauty of it, and if you don’t feel that excited about this step then you probably need more time.
And if you wanna forget about relationships for a while and focus on your career for a change, you just need to set your goal and work for it; meeting new people can be exhausting if you’re not at all willing.
The last thing you should know is that you don’t actually move on just once after a break up, there will be setbacks and every time you get the feeling that you really miss your ex you should revisit all these steps in your mind. Know that it’s normal to feel down again every once in a while but every down you get through should make you stronger and one step closer to completely moving on.